A Brief History of Japanese Rock According to Sarah
0: Buck-Tick invents music. In fact, Buck-Tick invents existing. Buck-Tick invents everything. BuT the real question is... does Buck-Tick invent Buck-Tick? 1: Nishikawa Takanori gives birth to the Earth. He has the stretched out bumhole to prove it. 1753: Yoshiki decides to create a band named A. 1754: A fails, so his next band is called B. 1966: The Beatles perform in Nippon Budoukan. Japan will never be able to shed the shag hair look. 1973: The Alfee forms. Japan really starts to love the femme rockers, even if they look like crazed, middle-aged cat ladies. The rest of the world pukes a little in its mouth. the 1980's A truck carrying rock musicians explodes. Japan calls it "The Band Boom." 1984: It turns out that Imai Hisashi and Sakurai Atsushi really were practicing for a band when they would lock Imai's bedroom door, put up the "NO GIRLS ALLOWED" sign, and tell Imai's mom not to bother them for a few hours. 1986: Sarah is born. The world is saved. 1985: After many failed attempts, Yoshiki's band X makes it. He is glad that he never ran out of letters of the alphabet. 1988: EW GLAY! 1989: Lunacy and X line up. X says, "Yeah, you guys are better." 1991: Tetsu encourages Dr. Jekyll to drink the potion. L'Arc~en~Ciel is formed. later in 1991: Kiyoharu wakes up drunk backstage at a drag show with bleached blond hair, garish make-up, and tears streaming down his face. Visual kei is born. 1995: Malice Mizer seeks new vocalist. Gackt gets one good snort of coke for the road then joins. 1996: Kiyoharu clones himself just in case he meets someone kinky enough to do copies of him at the same time. 1997: One of the Kiyoharu clones escapes and joins Dir en grey. also 1997: Tatsurou's long search for his papa has ended. But the only way to get close to him is to become a rocker himself. MUCC is formed. the late 1990's Kiyoharu's clone tries to clone itself, which just causes so many birth defects that cannot be listed here. They all form visual kei bands. 1999: Kagrra invents Japan. I mean, Neo Japanesque. But really, there's no difference. 2000: Luna Sea breaks up, thus ending The Band Boom era and J's sanity. 2002: Sarah listens to L'Arc-en-Ciel and loses her soul to J-rock. 2004: L'Arc-en-Ciel performs in Baltimore, MD, thus marking the biggest concert of a Japanese rock band in the U.S. Of course, Sarah attends. 2005: Sarah pays for a few J-rockers' beach houses after spending most of her food money in Japan on CDs. You're welcome. 2006: Tatsushi is exposed for the imposter that he is. Still, Sarah says she wants to be him when she grows up. January 2007: Everything is made clear with A Brief History of Japanese Rock According to Sarah. September 9, 2007: Sarah begins her long-term campaign to conquer Japan and all its riches. September 24, 2007: Sarah is a noisy, annoying gaijin. October 6-7, 2007: "We're all in this together!" Sarah attempts to kill her self after hearing the grand finale from High School Musical for the 3847918 time. December 5, 2007: While watching Kiyoharu for three hours, being one foot away from him at some points, Sarah's pants fall down. Not even kidding. 84798275910108758947987598170743984908: Buck-Tick destroys existence.